no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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