i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
