Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
