When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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