Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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