dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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