Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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