i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
two words: eviction party
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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