If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
