how can u be prego again
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
