You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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