No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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