I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
