I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
