i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
