I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
