I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
