He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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