A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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