Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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