went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
