9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
