Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
