My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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