i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
