Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize