Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
