I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
