i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
