im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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