Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
