we have officially lost it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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