So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
