I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
