I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
