her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I came so hard my ears popped.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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