I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
