Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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