Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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