I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
