non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
