we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
