just come out here and I will go home with you...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
