Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
