im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
