In the future we'll all be gay
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
