I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
