I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
