i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
