I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
