I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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