Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
