I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
