You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
