He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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