You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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