i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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