your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
