Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
