READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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