just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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