if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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