Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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