Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
