On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
