oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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