she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
