Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
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Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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