I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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