If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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