i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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