Everything about him screamed your future.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
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Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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