is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
