i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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