whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
