Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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