Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize