Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
