found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
